I Have Been Drafted into the NHL

So, you all know me as one of the greatest talents to ever come out of Fresno, California, but many of you know me for my broadcasting prowess, unteachable charm, and ravishing good looks. You may have been unaware, but i'm also an NHL caliber goaltender currently dominating against the highest skilled hockey players in the world. I've been hesitant to share my secret with you because i'm the best kept secret in town and I don't want the press rushing me while i'm shopping at Vons or grabbing the mail, but I've decided it was inevitable as I would have had press following me around for something else anyway. So i'm finally ready to share with you all my abilities on the ice.

Let's start with my illustrious career in junior hockey. I was signed by the North Bay Brampton Battalion during their run for the Memorial cup a few years back. Unfortunately, I hadn't fully adjusted to my absolutely shredded 6 foot 1 inch frame and let in eight goals in three straight games to get us booted from the tourney. That tanked my draft stock from a late first rounder to a somewhere in the fourth. I dropped even further when NHL general managers found my YouTube channel, where in my latest video, I emptied a Coors Banquet twelver a few minutes before we hit the ice for warm-ups. Needless to say, my draft stock wasn't very high entering the NHL draft. But finally, on day three of the draft, after what felt like years of anticipation, I finally taken by the Arizona Coyotes in the 5th round.

I consider myself to be what the draft experts call a 'steal' because i believe my teammates held me back in North Bay. I wasn't able to properly showcase my savagery in net. I also believe I channel the spirit of the Western Diamondback because of their ability to sense the danger level of the predators nearby, which is how i'm able to predict shots coming my direction as well as their threat level. These rattlers are native to the Arizona area, so the fit was perfect. All things considered, I was super excited to get things started in the desert. I grew out my mullet, created my sexy Kachina pads and got ready for training camp.

Little did know, Arizona was going to be the same old song and dance as North Bay. From the second I arrived, Coyote's management had it out for my demise. Moments after I signed my three year entry level contract, they traded Clayton Keller, Taylor Hall and Phil Kessel for a number nine from Jimmy Johns and a half empty bag of Lays Originals (the worst kind of potato chip). My first year we made a push for the postseason, but after that we were lucky to win a game a week. My teammates refused to stand up for me when an opposing player barreled into me, and they also consistently batted the puck into my own net; their own net. My guys scored on me more than the rest of the NHL. I was another own-goal off the ass end of one of my AHL level defensemen away from calling my agent and demanding a trade.

But i'm a man of integrity. When I finally croak, people will say, "That Wyatt Babb sure had a lot of integrity," so I planned on playing out my contract. The last year was truly awful and I could barely stand coming into work. We could have had five Cacti out there in Coyotes sweaters for all I know. I've seen better defense in a senior's beer league game. I knew I was going to have endless pucks coming my way, and that's the way it was; from dusk till dawn. Finally, the unbearable heat of the Arizona summer came I was ready to pack my bags and walk off into the sunset.

One problem. My agent told me I only had two offers, and one was from the Coyotes. A one year prove it deal worth league minimum salary. The other offer: The Calgary Flames. They offered me an extra $25,000 dollars and gave me a chance at the starting gig. I took it without thinking twice, and headed over the border into America's hat.

The decision is the best one i have ever made. I'm the starter with a 6-1-0 record for the Flames so far. Taylor Hall welcomed me with open arms and we can both bond over how terrible Arizona was. My pads are also sick. My goal this season is to earn myself a multi-year deal with Calgary and hopefully help them sneak into the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Sometimes a franchise isn't ready for greatness and the Coyotes weren't ready for Wyatt "glove save" Babb. Either way, i'm in Calgary now and ready to help the Flames. If y'all wanna tune in head on down to the link below to check out how my career is going. I'll be streaming my journey and continue my comeback season. Anything less than a Vezina, Lord Stanley's Cup and a Conn Smythe will be a failure. Let's go.

https://www.twitch.tv/wahvalanche